Making the Most of Coaching

1. The First Premise of Coaching

Old style education relied on the learner following the teacher’s program. In this model, punishment was frequent and little regard was given to individual needs or barriers. This outdated dynamic creates dependency and disempowers the learner.

Coaching flips this on its head: the learner must drive the learning towards their goal. Coaching begins with the learner's desire for a particular outcome. Only once this destination is clear can the coach begin to be useful.

Two key questions:

• “What do I want from this?”

• “If you get that, what will it do for you?”

The learner leads. Always.

2. Fair and Equitable Exchange of Energy

In any coaching relationship, both parties must understand their responsibilities.

If you hire a good coach, they will pour energy into your goal. They won’t assume it as their own, but they will care deeply and provide a route to get there. Their job is to help you find your special – and then activate it.

My personal coaching goal:

"To constantly evolve, always bringing the best of myself so that my athletes surpass current excellence and go out into their worlds as shining lights of possibility."

Fair and equitable means:

• The coach builds the path.

• The athlete takes it.

• If either side drops the ball, the relationship is failing and must be addressed.

Open conversations about expectations are vital. If they’re not possible, the coaching relationship is broken.

I believe the quality of attention is my greatest gift. I listen. I think. I respond. Everything I do links back to the athlete's goal and mine.

As Jimi Hendrix said:

"Knowledge speaks but wisdom listens."

"I invest all of me. My expectation is that the athlete must expect that of me. If I don’t need all I have, they’re not asking enough."

"My expectation is that the athlete invests all they have, grows continually, and expects that of me in return."

2. The athlete should expect everything possible from the coach and the coach should expect everything possible from the athlete.

3. Being a C*nt to Yourself

My father has been a guiding force in my life. A man of principle, adventure, and service, who never once (to my knowledge) swore. I admire that and often try to emulate it.

But sometimes, only swearing captures the full emotional truth of a situation. Like Phillip Larkin in "This Be the Verse," profanity can highlight gravity.

So here it is:

Sometimes, the only thing stopping the athlete is themselves. The tools, the skills, the support – it’s all there. But a shadow voice rises up with doubts, negativity, and excuses.

That voice? It’s a c*nt.

It robs you of your power. It pretends to be rational, but it’s self-sabotage dressed as reason. It tells you:

• “You’re not ready.”

• “It’s not worth it.”

• “Something might go wrong.”

It’s not real. And you must call it out.

You’ve trained. You’ve built. You’ve done the work. The job now is to use what you have. There is no reversion. There are no excuses.

3. The athlete must use the tools and skills they have grown with the coach – there is NO REVERSION and there are no excuses.

Don’t be a c*nt to yourself – EVER.